Mummers' play

Father Christmas. No. 1

In comes I, old Father Christmas.
Christmas or Christmas not.
I hope old Father Christmas will never be forgot.
Christmas comes but once a year,
When it comes it brings good cheer.
'Roast Beef', 'Plum pudding', 'Mince Pies',
Who likes them better than you and I?
Fugril, Fugril, a jug of Christmas ale
Will make us dance and sing,
Money in our pocket is a very fine thing.
Room, room, ladies and gentlemen,
Let King William walk in.

King William. No. 2

Here comes I, King William King,
Man, son of great courage,
Both sword and spear all in my hand,
An open crown of gold.
I slew the dragon and brought him to the slaughter
All through the Queen's famous daughter.

Turkey Snipe. No. 3

In comes I, Old Turkey Snipe,
From my Turkish land I'll fight;
I'll fight William the King.

[Turkey Snipe and the King fight. Turkey Snipe falls.]

King William

Is there a doctor to be found
To cure this man from bleeding
On this cold ground.

The Doctor. No. 4

Yes, there is a doctor to be found
To cure this man from bleeding
On this cold ground

King William

Doctor, doctor, what is thy fee?


Ten pounds, but ten guineas I'll take off thee.

[Doctor walks forward to the dead man]

Here comes I the Spanish Doctor
Lately come from Spain,
I can cure the big-bellied man
And fetch the dead to life again.
If he's got the itch, stitch, the palsy or the gout,
Or if the Old Man's in him, I'll soon fetch him out.
Open thy flip flop and take this slip slop.
Arise, arise, Old Turkey Snipe,
Go to thy Turkish land and fight.
I'll fight thee and seven more
To save King William.

Valiant soldier. No. 5

Here comes I, the Valiant Soldier,
Whip Him and Slash Him is my name,
From the bleeding war I came,
Only I and seven more slew the battle of eleven score.
The last battle I fought
To save William the King.

Saucy Jack. No. 6

Here comes I old Saucy Jack,
Wife and family on my back.
Out of mine I've got but five,
All the rest be starved alive.
Out of five I've got but one,
He'll have to go when I gets home.
I went out one morning before it was light,
I met a man, he axed me if I were upright.
And it were so dark I couldn't see,
So I humped up my back like a neddie.
Don't you think I'm a beautiful boy?
I will give you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
A pocket full of money and a cellar full of beer.

Little Twing Twang. No. 7
Here comes I. little Twing Twang,
I'm the best in this rough gang.
Times are hard and children small,
If I hadn't come now, I shouldn't come at all.
Josie gets up in the morning. Mary whistles and sings.
Money in our pockets is a very fine thing.
Now ladies and gentlemen, sit at your ease,
Put your hands in your pockets and give what you please.