Mummers' play

[Enter Father Christmas]

Father Christmas

I hope your pocket is full of money,
And I hope your cellar is full of beer,
And I hope I shall get a little
'fore I go from here.

[Enter the Duchess of Northumberland]

Duchess of Northumberland

Here comes I, Miss Duchess, with my broom, broom, broom,
To sweep the room clean for the Duke and the
Captain to have room for to fight.

[Enter Duke of Northumberland]

Duke of Northumberland

Here is the Duke, the Duke of Northumberland,
With my broadsword in hand.
Where is the man? I bid him stand.
I'll cut him in humerus, and as small as a fly;
I'll send him to the cook-shop for to make mince pie.
So walk in Captain.

[Enter Captain Curly]

Captain Curly

Here comes the Captain, Captain Curly!
Duke, I heard your voice from out the chimney.

Duke of Northumberland

Pray, what did you hear, Captain Curly?

Captain Curly

I heard the challenge of Captain Curly.
Here comes I, so light as a fly;
I've no money, but what cares I!
Here comes I from the Isle of Wight,
Unto the Duke of Northumberland;
Here comes I to fight.
So mind yourself and guard your blows;
Off comes your head, if not your nose!

[They fight, the Duke is wounded]

Captain Curly

The Duke is wounded to his heart,
Five hundred pounds I wouldn't put down
If a noble doctor can be found.

[Enter Doctor Finley]

Doctor Finley

I'll cure the hickly, pickly palsy, or the gout.
I'll cure old Jack Daw with the toothache,
Or old Mag-Pie with the headache.

Captain Curly

Pray, how do you do that Mr Finley?

Doctor Finley

By twisting their heads off,
And sending their bodies into a ditch.

[The Duke is dosed by Doctor Finley]

[Enter Johnnie Jack]

Here comes I, little Johnnie Jack,
With my wife and family at my back.
My wife's so big, my family's so small,
If I hadn't come when I had
I'd have starved them all.
Out of five I saved but one;
All the rest is dead and gone.
So, ladies and gentlemen, have pity on me,
Poor Johnnie Jack, and his great wife and he.

[Enter Bighead]


Here comes I, that's never been yet,
With my big head, and little wit.
My head's so big, my wit so small,
I've brought my fiddle to please you all.