Mummers' play

[Enter Father Christmas]

Father Christmas

I hope your pocket is full of money,
And I hope your cellar is full of beer,
And I hope I shall get a little
'fore I go from here.

[Enter the Duchess of Northumberland]

Duchess of Northumberland

Here comes I, Miss Duchess, with my broom, broom, broom,
To sweep the room clean for the Duke and the
Captain to have room for to fight.

[Enter Duke of Northumberland]

Duke of Northumberland

Here is the Duke, the Duke of Northumberland,
With my broadsword in hand.
Where is the man? I bid him stand.
I'll cut him in humerus, and as small as a fly;
I'll send him to the cook-shop for to make mince pie.
So walk in Captain.

[Enter Captain Curly]

Captain Curly

Here comes the Captain, Captain Curly!
Duke, I heard your voice from out the chimney.

Duke of Northumberland

Pray, what did you hear, Captain Curly?

Captain Curly

I heard the challenge of Captain Curly.
Here comes I, so light as a fly;
I've no money, but what cares I!
Here comes I from the Isle of Wight,
Unto the Duke of Northumberland;
Here comes I to fight.
So mind yourself and guard your blows;
Off comes your head, if not your nose!

[They fight, the Duke is wounded]

Captain Curly

The Duke is wounded to his heart,
Five hundred pounds I wouldn't put down
If a noble doctor can be found.

[Enter Doctor Finley]

Doctor Finley

I'll cure the hickly, pickly palsy, or the gout.
I'll cure old Jack Daw with the toothache,
Or old Mag-Pie with the headache.

Captain Curly

Pray, how do you do that Mr Finley?

Doctor Finley

By twisting their heads off,
And sending their bodies into a ditch.

[The Duke is dosed by Doctor Finley]

[Enter Johnnie Jack]

Here comes I, little Johnnie Jack,
With my wife and family at my back.
My wife's so big, my family's so small,
If I hadn't come when I had
I'd have starved them all.
Out of five I saved but one;
All the rest is dead and gone.
So, ladies and gentlemen, have pity on me,
Poor Johnnie Jack, and his great wife and he.

[Enter Bighead]

Bighead

Here comes I, that's never been yet,
With my big head, and little wit.
My head's so big, my wit so small,
I've brought my fiddle to please you all.